Living On
by Lly1471
Summary: Ellie and her husband began the outbreak working with their next door neighbor. Now with the dead walking around things from her past and her present come back to haunt her. Eventual Negan/OC.
1. Chapter 1

"What're ya doing up here alone?" the voice came from behind her, the metal door swung open with an echoing creak. The blonde didn't move. She sat with her knees to her chest on the open roof, just watching the grassy yard below. He stepped closer, his steps were heavy and bounced off the concrete area around them. "I know it's hard…" he scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly. He didn't know what to say to her. He wanted to console her, he wanted to help, but in this world, that kind of sympathy and caring was a hard thing to express in this world. For her, he could be caring, but it was something he tended to keep buried deep, away from anyone else in this world.

"Just leave me alone," she uttered, her face slumping so her cheek rested her knee, eyes facing away from him. She didn't want to talk to him, or anyone really.

"I've tried that," he stated plainly. He had kept a watchful eye on her for the last couple of days, Simon helping him with the task of making sure she was keeping herself out of danger. He knelt beside her, the flesh of his knee poking out from the tear in his black jeans. She turned to face him, he could see the sorrow in her once bright blue orbs. They had faded to a much paler version of their former selves. "Now, you've been up here for the last 12 hours, doing nothing—all the while wasting away to nothin', he glanced at her side, she didn't appear much thinner, but he knew that going a day without a meal couldn't help anything in a place where food is so scarce. "You haven't eaten in three days."

"I don't care. It doesn't matter anyway." He rested a hand on her upper arm and took a seat on the cement beside her.

"Ellie," his voice was low as he considered his next words. He needed to help her, but he didn't know how. He felt like she was his responsibility now.

"Just go away. Please." She implored, looking down at the ground, noting the many cracks and scuffs.

"Why do you want to leave so bad, huh?" he asked, watching her eyes water. Ellie finally met his chocolate eyes, tears beginning to run down her lightly sun kissed and freckled cheeks.

"Negan…I—I'm not your responsibility," she stated, chin quivering as she spoke.

"Hate to break it to you, but you kinda are," he smiled softly, wrapping an arm around her. Inside, she felt like she should be mad at him, like she should hold him accountable. But she knew in this world, it wasn't his fault, so much could go on in that world out there and she trusted Negan to much to think what he told her could be anything but the truth.

"How's that?" she questioned, leaning closer to him. She hated to admit it, but the human contact was something she had missed in the previous days.

"C'mon, you knew Leo even better than I did. He wouldn't have had it any other way," he shrugged, casually. "And you're the last person I know from _before,_ " he added, looking down for a moment.

Ellie knew Negan from the old world, they lived next door to one another, they were pretty good friends before all of this and now, now they were family. The closest to family that either of them had left.

"I was thinking about going on a hunt today…" she trailed off. She could clear her mind and be alone, the woods seemed like the perfect shelter for her distress.

"No."

"No?" she pulled away from him, a fire returning to her blue eyes. "You're telling me I can't go out to hunt and get food for those people downstairs.

"You haven't eaten in days, Ellie. You're not going anywhere." He stood from the ground. "C'mon, let's get you some food and you can leave in the morning."

She started to argue, but she knew that there was no use. He offered a hand to pull her from the ground, she accepted it and he pulled her to her feet.

That evening, Ellie found herself alone in her room, the one she had once shared with the love of her life, replying the gruesome events of the last couple days.

She had just returned from a hunt, brining back a couple of rabbits and a goose. Nothing special. She walked up to the Sanctuary, noticing the red Sedan that had left the day before had returned. She felt her heart speed up as she happily quickened her pace. Leo had left in that car, that meant he was back. She scanned the surrounding people, looking for his blonde hair to stand out in the crowd.

She hadn't seen him and the butterflies were no longer fluttering with glee, they were attacking each other and she felt sick. She found a tall dark haired man she recognized well, and made her way over to him. Negan saw her and his grim face seemed to only get grimmer.

"Where is he?" she questioned. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she jerked away. "Where. Is. He?" she questioned again. Her voice only getting louder and her face angrier.

"C'mon, let's go on a walk," he murmured.

The butterflies inside her stomach were on full attack mode, she felt like she was going to be sick. She knew what Negan was going to tell her. She just needed to hear it. For it to be confirmed in her mind so that she knew it was true.

Ellie followed Negan back towards her room and he turned to face her, sighing audibly. "I'm so sorry," were the first words to leave his lips. Due to their past, Ellie saw a different side to Negan than the rest of the saviors did. He was often much softer and much kinder with her. They had the history to allow that sort of genuine interaction.

"Tell me," she said. Her jaw clenched, holding back the emotions as best she could.

"He…He's gone, Ellie. I tried. I tried so hard," Ellie's eyes glanced down to the rest of Negan's attire, it was covered in blood—blood that clearly did not belong to the dead. It was fresh, not dark and rotting.

"What happened?" she demanded. She refused to allow herself to feel it until she had the details behind everything, until she knew how and why her husband was dead.

"We were trapped. Dead surrounding us, they were breaking the windows. The roof was the only way out. Leo forced me up first—gave me a boost. I pulled myself up and reached down to him, dead had him surrounded and I pulled him up…he had bites all over him, Ellie. Bled all over me, I did what had to be done…"

The tears she had been holding back, finally fell down her cheeks. She didn't know what to do now, she didn't _want_ to do anything. She wished she had gone on the run with Negan, she wished that she was the one who did not return to the sanctuary. She had no idea how she could live on without her husband, the man who had saved her from her past.

 **AN: What did you think? Let me know! This is my first story on here so be gentle! Thank you so much for reading! I do not own TWD, only my characters!**


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a whole week without Leo. Ellie found herself alone in the woods, trying to think of anything else. And it worked, being in the woods once more brought her back to the first time she had ever hunted.

 _"_ _What're we lookin' for?" her bright blue eyes met the matching set belonging to her older brother. She was only five, but desperately wanted out of the house, so her brother had a plan, he could teach her a skill, something to keep her fed._

 _"_ _Look," he pointed to the ground for his younger sister to see the track. She knelt, looking studiously at the four-pointed step. Two parts were longer than the other two small indentations. "You tell me," he stated, smiling at her slightly._

 _"_ _It's not a rabbit, or a squirrel," she said confidently, still thinking. "Is it a deer?" He nodded and she jumped up and down, beaming._

 _"_ _Hush," her holder brother scolded. She covered her hand with her mouth and stopped immediately._

 _"_ _Sorry," she mumbled._

 _He made a noise of acknowledgement before continuing on. "Lead the way," he told her. The five year old looked up at her brother nervously, chewing on her lip._

 _In her too big boots, she stepped carefully through the foliage, remembering to keep her steps quiet. She held on to the small—but still too big for her—crossbow her brother had managed to steal from the store right down the road. She wasn't sure how he'd done it, but she was grateful because now she had a way to escape their father._

 _The sound of snapping branches brought Ellie to a halt, she looked up to see a squirrel running up the side of the tree. Her brother watched with pride as she brought up the bow and shot at it. The very little kickback nearly sent her to the ground, the scope, however, did hit her eye. She put the bow down immediately and rubbed her eye._

 _"_ _Ow," she complained. Her older brother knelt before her, examining her eye and frowned._

 _"_ _Gonna bruise. Ya gave yourself a blackeye."_

 _"_ _It's okay," she said, softly. "Not my first. Won' be my last," she shrugged and picked the bow back up._

Ellie remembered seeing her brother's jaw tense at her statement. She hadn't meant to upset him, she never meant to upset anyone, back then. Least of all her father.

The sound a static from a walkie talkie brought her back from her deep thoughts. They were trying to get her attention from the sanctuary. "Everyone be advised. Large horde heading east towards base. Anyone out on their own, find cover, or make it back, right away."

"Dammit," she cursed under her breath. She was close to finding this deer, but it wasn't worth the risk. If the horde was coming, they would eat the deer before she could get it back to camp. She hurried back to The Sanctuary with a brisk jog. The man at the gate, Peter, let her in. She murmured a thank you as she hurried inside.

She went first to her room, to drop off her crossbow and all of her other belongings in her room. She knew this evening was the weekly late night-poker game that Negan held in one of the rooms upstairs, hidden from everyone else. She knew that she was invited—as per usual, she just didn't know if she wanted to attend. In the last two weeks, she had gotten better about eating and taking care of herself. By no means, was she happy or in an okay place, but she was a bit better and a bit more like her normal self, but still not quite there.

When she exited her room, she found a looming presence outside of her door. "Negan?" she questioned. His look of confidence had washed from his face, he looked even slightly nervous.

"Good, you're back."

"Yeah, I heard the announcement."

"Good, good."

She looked up at him, slightly perplexed. "What did you come here for?" she questioned, unable to hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Haven't seen you in a couple days. Just checking in."

"I'm fine…" she trailed off. In all honesty, she had tried to avoid Negan, to an extent. She cared about him like he was family, but she missed Leo so much that it was hard to look at Negan and not think of what she was missing.

"C'mon, Ellie. I know you're a fucking badass but you're not fine. And you sure as shit don't have to be right now. Okay?" her eyes met his chocolatey gaze and she couldn't help herself. She wrapped her arms around his middle and pulled him into a tight hug y he found himself hugging her back.

"That sounds a lot like what someone wise once said to you…" she trailed off, looking up at him. He gave her his infamous shit eating grin, and gave her a solid squeeze. Though, she did note a hint of something else in his eye.

"Hmm, wonder who mighta said that," he feigned deep thought for a minute, before chuckling. They both knew she had said the same thing to him after his wife passed away. It was at the very start of all of this and Negan had tried to keep on keeping on as if nothing was wrong, and Ellie reminded him that it was okay to feel upset.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Anytime—so long as you don't tell anyone else," he added.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"You coming to poker tonight?" he asked, trying to make an easy transition.

"Maybe," she replied, pulling away from him, slightly embarrassed.

"I hope so."

"So uh, on the topic of actually important stuff," she smiled softly. "The walkers headed towards us, do you need me to go out and—"

"Already taken care of. Had people on it immediately."

"Oh. Okay," she chewed on her lip. "Well, I'm going on another hunt in the morning." Negan only nodded. It seemed like he had something else to say when Simon found them.

"Hey boss, hey Ellie," he greeted. "Frankie's ready for ya," he told Negan, before continuing down the corridor as Negan replied with a quick nod.

"Well that's my que. Hopefully we'll see ya tonight," he offered her one last smile before leaving.

Sometimes, Ellie pretended she didn't know what was going on with Negan and a couple of the women from the sanctuary. He had taken _wives_. She knew their relationship was mainly just the exchange of sex for protection, but Negan had labeled them wives so that they could only sleep with him. She found those women to be kind of sad. They were willing to prostitute themselves out to stay safe, she couldn't say that she didn't understand their thought process though, everyone needed to find their own way to stay alive, she supposed.

Cigars and whiskey wafted down the long corridor. Ellie could smell Poker Night before she could see it. In fact, she could hear the boisterous laughter of the highest-ranking men in the Sanctuary from downstairs. She was the only woman to ever be invited—which was because she was actually the one who began poker night in the first place. She used to play with Leo, Lucille, and Negan before all of this and she wanted to carry that normalcy to this world.

Upon entering the room, Ellie gazed upon Simon, Negan, and a couple of the other Generals. She had never truly considered where she stood among these people, she knew that Negan trusted her more than anyone else in this room—including Simon—but he did not often go to her for strategic advice. She had never been a part of the point system—mostly because she and Leo had been in Negan's group since day one, they helped to establish the Sanctuary.

"Shit, Darlin'. You made it!" Negan exclaimed. He stood and threw an arm around her. She could smell the whiskey on his breath and she knew, he was already buzzed. She elbowed his side, grabbed a chair and went over to the alcohol. She saw a couple bottles of whiskey and then she noticed a bottle of Moscato with a singular wine glass. It made her think so much of the original Poker Nights. Negan and Leo would drink Jack and Coke while Ellie and Lucille would drink Moscato.

Eagerly she filled the glass a little more than half and returned to her chair next to Negan. "Ready to get your asses kicked?" she asked the men around the table.

Simon just scoffed. "By you?" he questioned.

"Yeah, by me," she stated, glaring him down. "Got a problem?"

"I'd watch it, Si. This one's damn good a poker," Negan warned.

"We'll see 'bout that,"

Six games later, everyone at the table had lost everything—except for Ellie and Negan. Negan was good at this game as well, but he had still lost the majority of everything he'd brought to bet.

"All in," Ellie said, ready to bet all of the belongings from everyone else against Negan's remaining items.

"Alright, Sweetheart, if this is how we're gonna play," he chuckled. "I'll call. Straight Flush." Negan saw the most devilish smirk flash across her features at his words. He knew he'd lost before she even spoke.

"Royal Flush," she said, dropping her cards on the table. All of the men in the room groaned. She finished off her wine and gathered her belongings. "Maybe I'll let you try to win your stuff back next week, fellas," with that, she left, bound for her room, once more.

 **AN: The only thing I'm hesitant about is how I'm characterizing Ellie's grief and her relationship with Negan. From my perspective they make sense based upon the situation! Thanks for reading! Leave me some comments** **J**


	3. Chapter 3

Sweat dripped from Ellie's body, soaking her sheets and causing her to stick to them. She sat straight up in her bed and screamed, chills ran through her as she hurriedly stood from the bed. The imagines in her mind were graphic and made her chest feel empty. Flashing in her mind were the gruesome images she had seen of the dead eating people, but each of those people had Leo's face. And then Leo came for her…to eat her now.

Hurrying to the restroom joined to her room, Ellie turned on the faucet and washed her face with cold water. She grabbed her leather jacket and slipped on her boots before heading up to the roof. When she stepped outside, she noticed that she was not alone up here. The tall figure also wore a leather jacket and his dark hair shined in the dim moonlight.

"Hey," she knew who it was, of course. She walked up beside Negan without hesitation and bumped his arm with hers.

"What're you doing up?"

"Guess I should be asking you the same question, huh?" she gave him a forced smile.

"You alright?" he looked at her face and noticed the red hue to it.

"I'm fine. Just some trouble sleeping," she looked to her feet nervously.

"Me too," he agreed. There was a bottle in his other hand, he lifted it to his lips and took a long pull from it.

Secretly, Ellie loved seeing this secret side of Negan. His guard was down and he was much like the old Negan, the one she knew from the world before the dead walked.

Negan had to admit, he had always thought Ellie was attractive in more ways than just physically. Beyond one occurrence, he had not tried to act upon anything.

"Nightmares?" he questioned, his arm going around her. He knew now wasn't a time to make a move, but he couldn't help the need for contact with her. She wasn't like one of his wives, she was someone he could trust and someone he knew would support him no matter what.

"Yeah. You?" he just nodded, feeling her arm go around his back, pulling him closer. She reached over towards the bottle, he wordlessly handed it to her and she took a long pull from it, whiskey burning her throat.

"Slow down there," he chuckled. She continued drinking before handing it back. Her face scrunched in disgust. "It's chilly out here, we can go keep warm in my room, if you want.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" she asked, laughing quietly.

"Oh trust me, darlin', if I was tryin', you'd know," he winked, leading the way to his room. She took the bottle of whisky and took another long pull from it.

"I haven't drank straight whiskey in so long," she commented. Negan waited for her to continue, he had a feeling there was a story that we along with that. She didn't continue though. Negan had always been kind of curious about her past. She was this badass from Southern Georgia, who always seemed slightly out of place in their suburban community. She liked hunting and being outdoors, which was very different than even his own wife, before all of this.

They arrived at his bedroom and both took a seat on the big leather couch. Ellie went to one corner, bottle in hand, and threw her legs over Negan, making herself comfortable. She even grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and cuddled up with it.

"Comfy?" he asked a moment later. She took another pull from the bottle before nodding. She passed the whiskey back to him and he drank as well.

"You know what I hate most about all of this?" she vaguely motioned to the space around her.

"What's that?" Negan asked.

"The uncertainty. This world brings so much uncertainty and I just don't know if I can handle it…"

"What do you mean by that?" he asked.

"I have older brothers, I don't even know if they're still alive—or where they would be if they were."

"I didn't know you had brothers," Negan rubbed his graying beard for a moment. Why hadn't she mentioned them?

"Yup, haven't seen them in years. I talked to them when the outbreak started, though. They were alive then…" she trailed off. Losing Leo made her think much more about the family that she was missing. She wanted to know what happened to them, they may not have always been the best, but they were blood, after all. "My dad died at the start of it all," she added as an afterthought.

"'M sorry, Darlin'."

"Don't be," she laughed darkly. "I hoped the dead bastards ripped him to shreds. If one good thing came out of all of this, it was him being gone," she passed the bottle back.

Negan couldn't bite his tongue. He had to ask. "What did he do to you?" he could tell that Ellie's father must have done something horrible to make her hate him so much.

"It's not important now."

"It is, clearly it still bothers you."

"He was always an asshole, but my brothers used to tell me that things got worse after my mom died," she was starting to feel sleep taking over her. "He'd drink and get really, really mean…I think this is better saved for another night. I'm not drunk enough for this," she frowned. Negan just nodded in understanding. Clearly, whatever happened in her past had a big effect on her.

XxX

Negan and Ellie stayed up for a while longer, talking, eventually falling asleep on the couch. Ellie with her feet stretched across Negan and him in an upright sitting position.

The next morning, Simon knocked on the door, waking the duo from their dreamless slumbers. Ellie rose first, wordlessly pulling on her boots from the floor.

"Come in," Negan called, he knew it was Simon at the door, due to the way he knocked, and the knowledge that nobody other than the mustached man would knock on his door so early.

"Sorry boss, didn't realize you had _company_ ," Simon rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"He doesn't, I was just going."

"Actually, this is one you might be able to help us with," Simon spoke up before she could slip out of the room.

"What's up?" Ellie asked, pulling her sun-kissed blonde hair into a high, messy bun.

"Someone thought it'd be a good idea to break into the infirmary last night, I know you set up the inventory of all of that shit, maybe you could help us figure out what all's gone, and who could've done it?" Simon suggested. Ellie wasn't sure it was necessarily a task for her, but she could certainly give it a shot.

"Sure," she replied. It wasn't like she could really go out for a hunt after all the walkers were so close yesterday. Any animals had probably all gone away to take shelter. They would make their way back into the area within a couple of days, but she had picked up on the fact that animals tended to clear an area, just like people would.

"Some sorry son of a bitch thinks it's okay to steal shit from me?" Negan looked appalled. "Find out who it was, and I'll take care of them," he had a sinister look on his face, one that Ellie did not love, but she just nodded in agreement. Whether she was one of Negan's most trusted people or not, she knew that he was the boss around here, and that they had a strict set of rules to follow. As she was so close to Negan, she also needed to help enforce the rules and make sure they were followed.

"I'm going to shower and then I'll be right on it," she hurried out of the room, leaving Negan and Simon alone.

"Boss—" Simon started, but Negan abruptly cut him off.

"Before you start, nothing even happened, all right?"

"You never let anyone else sleep in your room."

"Ellie's another story. She's probably even more loyal than you are, Si." Negan was very blunt, and Simon knew where he stood. Though in most things, he was Negan's right-hand man, he still knew that Ellie was the person he was closest to and could trust most. It was all about those bonds from how the world used to be.

XxX

Trying not to harp too much on the night before, Ellie sorted through the medical supplies and discovered what was missing. Insulin. She knew only one of the members of the sanctuary was a diabetic, Tina, which should have made her the first suspect, however Ellie had met Tina. Tina was not the type of person with enough guts to break into the infirmary. Tina had a sister, Sherry, Ellie didn't see Sherry as brave enough to break in either, but Sherry's husband, Dwight was. He definitely seemed like the type willing to go to such great lengths. Dwight had even spent his points on insulin for Tina before.

Though Ellie was proud of herself for likely solving the mystery of the infirmary, she did not like the idea of Dwight or even Tina being punished for something Tina needed to survive. As much as Ellie trusted and cared about Negan, she did not agree with every rule that he had in place. Rather than going straight to Negan, she found herself going down the corridor towards the room Tina shared with Dwight and Sherry. She knocked on the door and Tina answered the door.

Her strawberry blond hair fell over her eyes, Ellie knew that the girl was young, but looking at her made her look even younger than she was. She was practically a child, which only made this harder.

"W-What do you need?" Tina asked, stuttering as she spoke, she had very few interactions with any of the rest of the sanctuary, let alone one of Negan's highest-ranking saviors.

"I need to talk to you," Ellie said. "Can I come in?" she as trying to not feel bad about all of this, but she knew that her responsibility was to Negan and upholding the rules here.

"D-Did something happen?"

"I think that's something you're going to tell me," Ellie's eyes drifted to the table beside the twin bed in the corner. There were three insulin bottles sitting here—the exact amount that was missing from the infirmary.

"I-I-I'm sorry," tears fell down the young girl's face.

"Did you steal them?"

"Yes, it was me, I'm so sorry…I need my medication…I'm a diabetic—"

"You didn't steal it," the older of the two knew that. She didn't want to take a false admission of guilt to Negan. "But it was stolen for you, right?" Tina stayed silent.

"What's going on?" a blonde haired man, Ellie knew to be Dwight walked into the room, taking in the scene. Tina crying, and Ellie standing there with a stony expression.

"There's insulin missing from the infirmary, you took it, right?" Dwight's face paled and Ellie clenched her jaw, she didn't want to be the one to bring this information to Negan. She didn't want to be the one who was likely to cause his eminent punishment. "Look, I'm going to have to tell Negan," she said. She was deciding where exactly to go from here. "But…" she was trying to think of the best phrasing. "I'm not going to tell him until tomorrow around noon. I suggest you come clean yourself, but you have until then to decide."

"Thanks," Dwight mumbled. She knew that it wasn't the best case for Dwight, but she could live with herself a little more with this alternative.

 **AN: Sorry if this chapter was weird, I'm trying to get it on track-ish with the timeline of the series, so you all can kind of tell where we are in the story. Please leave your reviews at the bottom! Thanks for reading!**


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